finn's poetry
finn
they/them
this is a carrd for my poetry, and Ill do my best to organize it ! I hope you like it
queer is the whispers i say in the shower
the words i scream when no ones home
the skin on my lips and the flaking nail polish
a thought hanging just right here
and the sentence on the tip of my tongue
she, he, it, they
take your pronouns, here
come one, come all!
free with the purchase of a seat at our circus!
the circus of life!
gates slam shut, whispers behind doors
as they walk, hand in hand
on the sidewalk
me and gender have never really gotten along
but still it’s been there,
the car behind me
the shadow always following
i dont know what it wants
It follows just the same
The brand of homosexuality
I can call my own
Is nothing less,
Then hawkeye pierce
lavender
lavender sheets, lavender dishes
wallpaper and vases,
the lavender flowers on the mantel
she says it makes it obvious
but he says no
it makes it fit
i miss you, stop
i’d walk across an ocean for you, stop
come home, stop
waiting on the pier
staring at the water,
his ship comes in tomorrow
he’ll give me a kiss
then we’ll go home
oh how i’ve missed him
~ trapper based (mainly end of season3) ~
“good bye my love”
you never said
im waiting, waiting
for the day you say
hello again
I don’t think i can forgive you
oh how i want to
to hug you, to never let you go
but you left me
no note, nothing but a kiss
not even from you
he left,
on a breeze
following henry,
and praying not to end up like him
leaving broken hearts
and lonely people
you made my heart
break into two
but i didnt care
I loved you so
brown eyes met blue
and i knew from the start
That id love you
I think i’d cry
seeing you again,
hug and hold and never let you go
~ end trapper leaving based ~
I know its true
every letter you sent
in between the lines
what you implied
send the rest,
where you don’t imply
tell me
tell me you love me
I wanted to be just like you
before i saw the flaws
you flit and flirt and yell at the war
you know who you are
i dont,
I just wanted to be you
but now I don’t (fallen idol 6x2, mash)
see as I sit here,
watching them burn it down
of course I join in,
what better way to say ‘fuck you’
to a war (war on nerves 6x4, mash)
i told what i wanted,
they laugh everytime
i get it, im a joke
a joker, drunk and laughing
but i really mean it,
how could I not
they ask me why I still wear them,
the hats, the coats, the pearls
the dresses,
they’re mine, me
my face against the world,
the fashion world welcomes me with open arms,
when this one trys to kill me
im not sure why I did it,
make him paranoid,
all to get him to sing
he does it every day in the shower,
why did I have to trick him to get it
I guess i just have to best him,
that ghost,
i have to (the joker is wild)
again, and again,
they don’t really listen,
I’m telling the truth!
how hard is it to believe,
Believe me,
please
the dust on the railing
the carpet, the mirror
the scent of a room not visited
‘its just down the stairs’ you say
but they dont go
perfect reverberation of your steps, your voice
the secret but not room
open to all but never visited
you wonder why not
maybe by next visit you'll figure out why (alt. figure it out)
(about one room in the church)
the seconds
the hours
time ticks by
faster
and slower
taking away
it all
her hair
reminding me of chocolate
against mine,
the colour of a pale daisy
strawberry nails,
glinting as we sit
on the rock we claimed our own
laughter and screams
the sun falls behind the trees
softer we talk, the fireflies lighting
turning our attention
to the screen we set up,
the smell of bug spray and pretzels
wax and dewy grass
fade into the background
slip, trip, fall
Me, myself, and I
failing grades,
failing mental health
I’m falling and no one hears me
she told me how to act
“sit like a lady”
“don’t slouch”
“feet off the table”
“girls dont eat like that”
I knew she loved me,
but still,,
i cant stop talking
its word, after word, after word
not like i mind, i’ll talk for hours
but everyone else?
i’m sure they’d like some quiet
I opened the record player
slid to the shelf
grabbed
tugged
out it fell
The vinyl, then the needle
and it turns on the table
softly singing as it does
the inherent homoromantism
of the intricacies
of my life
chipping nail polish
kandi bracelets spelling it out
rings upon rings,
chapped lips and broken glasses
old, tilted kaleidoscopes
and overflowing bookshelves
frank lloyd wright but not
because he’s a terrible person
jumping up and down
wishing i was them
why can’t i be?
“Howdy stranger”
falls from my lips
as i look upon nothing, but everything
maybe my life,
would be easier
if i wasn’t me
But him
The brand of homosexuality
I can call my own
Is nothing less,
Then hawkeye pierce
while my gender,
it’s the red suspender,
the pineapple Hawaiian shirt,
the mustache
the hat,
the letters he writes, both the sent and unsent
the olive, no army, green
socks, never worn but washed
As i stare,
In my own eyes,
‘How did i make it here’
Hair falling forwards
I look back up
‘How did i live this long’
my hands flap,
my wrists hurt,
but why, i ask,
does it hurt if you are the one who chose this
the basement glow on his face
the blood staining his shoes
his hands
his hair
‘dont listen’ they said
‘dont let him in’
i was a fool
and i opened the door (alt. let him walk right in/waltz right in)
their glasses sliding down their nose
xer cat rolling in patches of sun
the trees shifting
the silence is overwhelming
but not truly silent, of course
the pages of a book flipping
the soft sounds of a podcast three houses down
the creaking of a porch swing
its a lazy summer afternoon
the fragility of his neck
it feels like you could crack it
His joints are held together with paper clips
so breakable,
yet so durable
he lasts, long past the expiration date
with no outwards signs of aging
he is the thousand-year-old china
sitting in the cabinet
of an 81-year-old lady
be gentle
he easily cracks
his joints come apart at the seams
his eyes, they see everything but
were not made to last
his body is fragile, feeble
his memories are strong,
but be careful!
he’ll break apart in your arms
hot breath, heart pumping
eyes dart from left to right
dizzying shapes
of black and white
criss-cross across the room
idealized, the girl on the pedestal
winged victory, carved into bronze
bringer of justice and right
a goddess, for the world to watch
not to trip or stumble
but to sit, be perfect
no flaws
no problems
the look on his face,
as they argue and yell
he loves them both
I can tell (tos)
he doesn’t need
to say a word,
Its understood (oceans)
finding you,
in the backroom of that casino
was just the thing i needed
to just see you,
again (oceans)
fog curling around
like vines
framing the moon,
the corner bakery,
the dock,
let’s climb on the rocks forever
in the moonlight
in the fog
its dark
but his eyes are glowing
scary, but comforting to know,
im not alone (midnight, a cat)
The wave crashes
It’s done, we did it
shoots break the surface
buds pop
birds sing
as i sit on my deck
smelling rain on the air
The dew from the night
watching the sun rise
dressed in red,
rich as wine
i wonder if she would’ve chosen a different colour
if she’d known
the wine clashed with blood
she never told me why
why she did what she did
but she did
Ive always wondered what its like
living past the trees
you see their lives,
all in a blink
see im in the city,
and i only see the stone (immortality)
the clock goes off
4 minutes early
4 times per hour
and i wonder if its trying to tell me something
I am god, she said
pause
“you may be seated”
no, i think ill stand
after all, i dont really believe
who is god and why should i care?
i mean i do, theres gotta be something out there
watching
right??
or is there nothing,
or is it me
the way the sun hits your eyes
I never realized
how hard i have fallen
In love
her hair
reminding me of chocolate
against mine,
the colour of a pale daisy
strawberry nails,
glinting as we sit
on the rock we claimed our own
ill never truly see her
although that’s alright